The MacMillan nurse call on Wednesday. Dawn, her name, the start of a new day, or the bringer of tidings? She was very Totnessy, and if you know the town of Totnes in Devon, you would know what I mean. All cargo pants, tie-dye top, nose stud and hand made multi coloured shoes............. but a very nice lady. She did not pull any punches. She explained the situations and possible ways forward, but the end result was the same.
Today, Thursday, and I collected the necessary medication from the chemist. It's called The Liverpool Pathway. I shall pity the poor people of Liverpool for ever more. The nurse that came this afternoon was a little confused, but had all the necessary equipment and so set the wheels in motion, after my full agreement. Soon after she had started the doctor arrived, approved of my decision and said that he would be in touch later.
It was only when the MacMillan nurse phone, to see if I had collected the medication, that we found we had 'jumped the gun', and that the final countdown wasn't due to start until after the weekend ................ but it doesn't matter. There are no other options. Today, tomorrow, next week, the outcome will be the same, and I'm only too pleased to get this part of the terrible journey over with.
Tonight I stop the feeding and the liquid intake, so the term "It's just a matter of time" will then have it's true meaning. It's one of Cag's sisters birthdays, the 50th, on Monday. I do hope we don't spoil the day for her.
"And I dance, on the brink of an unknown future, to an echo from a vanishing past".
7 comments:
Oh Ian, what a journey. But I'm glad your wonderful Cag has you there by her side, doing the right thing. That can be the hardest part but it's also the part where you show the most love.
I'm sitting here with tears running down my cheeks, smiling too because there is a time ahead for you....a changed time, to be sure, but a time.
I remember the mixed feelings of letting my mum go - realising it is the best and only thing, but wanting more time still.
I wish I could do more than sit here, type out these words and hope that you know you are loved and respected.
I hope the final stages of this journey for Cag are peaceful and pain-free.
Great big stand up hug.
Fi
xxxx
What can I say, except to hope that the coming days are as peaceful as possible for both you and Cag?
I'm joining Fi and sending you a great big hug.......
God bless.
You are both held tightly, warmly, lovingly in my heart.
My thoughts are with you on this final journey.
Sending love and peace to you both
xx
I don't think there are really any words...just saying hoping the final days are as smooth and peaceful as ever possibly they could be.
Dear Ian, I've just read your last few heartbreaking posts after an absence taken up with my own (very trivial in comparison) problems, for which I apologise.
I have no words to add to the wisdom of your friends here. Just to send love and to let you know you're in my thoughts.
x
Thank you all and your hugs are very much appreciated.
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