The bad news and the bad news....

Cag was admitted to hospital last night. She had a difficult day, and had a couple of bouts of not being able to clear her chest, coughing, almost choking. I was not happy about her situation so called the emergency doctor. He checked her over and phoned for an ambulance, saying that she ought to be looked at in hospital, the sooner the better.

I phoned this morning to find out how she was and was asked to go to the hospital to meet with the doctor, as she was refusing medical intervention. I was there by 10.30am but was unable to see the doctor until about 2pm, because of other emergencies. It gave me time to work on Cag and to get her to agree to accept examination and treatment. All she wanted to do was to come home, but if she does she will die, pure and simple.

She is now on a drip and has a feeding tube fitted, and I heard tonight that she has taken a small amount of nourishment this way. I talked with the dietitian before I left this evening and she asked me how heavy Cag was. I knew because I had weighed her on Sunday............ 32 kilos, about 5 stone. She did warn me that this was borderline and that feeding would have to be small and often. It may take three weeks or more to see an improvement, but at least something is being done ........ at last.

Cag is not the best patient. She is hating every minute of it, but I know I have done all I can here and she needs the sort of help the she can only receive where she is. I can't help feeling guilty at allowing her to go into hospital, but the alternative is unthinkable.

I wonder what tomorrow will bring?

I'll get back to you..........

"I'll get back to you........." Oh how I hate those words, because it usually means you'll be hanging on and waiting for a telephone call that may never come. That's what the week has been like for me.

Yesterday, I'd had enough. Cag's eating problem has not been improving, no matter how hard we try, and we DO try. It's now a case of just a couple of spoon fulls of mousse, or sips of coffee, will set her choking, then urging, and then of course, she won't take any more. Her total daily intake of calories must be under 200 and liquid consumption below a pint. This situation can not go on. I phoned the doctor's receptionist and demanded a visit.

I was hoping for something a little more positive but there has been, perhaps, a little progress. The 'practice matron' called to see Carole. (Where do they get these names?) Needless to say, the name was Chris and HE was a tiny bit gay.

He arrived 45 minutes late, just as I was about to get Cag back to bed. She had been up an hour and was failing fast. He was one of these ........ "How are you feeling"................. leaning forward............... " how are you REALLY feeling?" type of people. To which Cag answered "Fine!"

He checked out her swallowing and he said that he thought it was o.k. Then he generally questioned her about how she felt about food, wanting to eat or not. Checked her for depression, cup half full or half empty sort of questions, then asked her directly if she felt depressed. Of course she said "No".

He brought with him a selection of high calorie drinks and mousse style deserts for her to try. She said she would try, and I said I would encourage her....... but I'm not holding my breath.

He's made arrangements to call again next Thursday, along with a speech therapist ( she's into swallowing and breathing techniques ), who he thinks may be able to help. I'm not very impressed with the idea, but we shall see.

So now it depends on Cag, how much she wants to do. Wish I was more excited about the prospects, but I can only do what she will let me. More waiting, more worrying.



Never mind. My new gin and tonic diet is working great. I've lost four days this week.

Great tits............

At last, the children have come to the table. Our little feathered friend have brought along their offspring to show them where to get food, and what to do with it. Last year it was the robins and dunnocks, but it was the great tits, followed by their smaller cousins, that graced our bird table first.

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A young blackbird took up position this afternoon and tried to keep the table as his sole domain. It showed no fear even when I went in close with the camera.

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I was expecting another phone call from the doctor this afternoon, but it didn't happen. I had managed to get in contact with the M.S nurse to discuss the best way forward for Cag. I was under the impression, as was the doctor, that she would be able to make a home visit, but this is not the case. She has nearly 700 people with M.S on her books and the only way she physically can be of help to them is by running a clinic at the County Hospital. If she were to make house calls she would only be able to help a small number, much smaller than if the person was to visit her.

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She is having an assistant appointed, who will be able to cover the home calls but that won't be for several weeks. We will be on her list. The nurse was going to contact our doctor with this information, so I thought he may have called........ silly me!

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We did discuss Cag's situation and she is of the same opinion, that the problem, although M.S related, is being caused by depression. She suggested I go back to the doctor and for him to visit to check things over with this in mind.

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Cag has asked me to belay that for a few more days to see if she can shake the feeling herself, but there was not a lot of progress if today was anything to go by.............. but we shall keep trying.

A reminder.......

I've been reminded that I haven't posted for quite a while. Well, I've been here, reading and searching but not really in the mood to put my thinking head on. I've put up a couple of entries on my other blogs, simple things, but my mind has been elsewhere.

Cags condition is causing a lot of concern. She's not eating enough, three to four hundred calories a day, and her liquid intake has dropped to a little over a pint. We've been waiting all week for a contact from the M.S nurse, even phoning the doctor again on Wednesday, getting him to re-fax information to her office. If there is no contact by Monday afternoon I will have to rattle some cages.

I'm not sure it's all to do with M.S. She has been very down recently. It usually happens at this time of the year, but there's no reason you can put forward for why. She has got swallowing problems, and has difficulty chewing, but I don't think these are the only reasons. I can see the need for a liquid food diet and even the possibility of tube feeding at some time, but hopefully not quite yet.

I half know what the nurses suggestion will be, high calorie booster drinks. Thick syrupy ill tasting things, that might look good on paper, for those who have never had to take them. Then will come the next problem, what will Cag take? She's always been picky what she eats, doesn't like this, or that, so there's going to be quite a challenge. Hates soup, hates milk, eggs, meat, gone off fish, vegetables, even chocolate. Quite a challenge!

Thing could be worse, I keep thinking of the situation if my mother had still been with us. I know I would have caved in under the strain. There is no way I could have gone through the operation and been able to look after two people. I'm finding my limitations, ones I thought I would never have.

I'm not a poetic person but...........

I found this little poem in my daily paper and it rather stuck a chord with me so I thought I would share it with you........

The Kiss

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"What other men have dared, I dare,"

He said. "I'm daring too:

And tho' they told me to beware,

One kiss I'll take from you."

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"Did I say one? Forgive me dear;

That was a grave mistake,

For when I've taken one, I fear,

One hundred more I'll take."

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"Tis sweet one kiss from you to win,

But stop there? Oh no!

One kiss is only the begin;

There is no end you know."

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The maiden arose from where she sat

And gently raised her head:

"No man has ever talked like that-

You may begin," she said.

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Thomas Masson 1866-1934

Friday the thirteenth............

What have we done to deserve all this good weather. True, it's been a little chilly out of the sun today, a breeze from the N.W has seen to that. June has been turning out to be our best month so far. Makes me wish I was on holiday!

There's been very little improvement in Cag's situation. It's not swallowing difficulties but more a reflex action after the food is down. She takes a few moth fulls, and then is unable to eat any more without feeling sick. I rang someone I know who's husband has M.S and she recommended I contact the M.S nurse for the area.

It's meant going through our doctor, for him to make a referral, but that was not a problem, and he was already suggesting it before I asked. So we are down for a visit at the beginning of next week, for the nurse to set up a programme of support and advice. Sounds good, hope it works.

I know it's Friday 13th, and I'm not superstitious....... touch wood, but one or two thing did go wrong for me today. I found that a tin of Brasso had leaked in the car and it's taken most of the day to loose the smell. A milk container had somehow fallen over in the fridge and the shelf was full of milk. I knock the spoon in the sugar bowl, it catapulted sugar everywhere and the postman took £10.60 of me for Customs Duty and handling charge for a package from America. I've got my fingers cross that nothing else will go wrong today. There's still 29 minutes to go.

Some excitement...........

There were police cars in the drive way when I went to fetch the papers this morning. I found out at the shop that a lady on our estate had gone missing. It appears she had rushed out of the home in a state of great agitation and was last seen disappearing into the woodland at the end of the road.

By the time I had returned home, dog handlers had arrived and a little later a helicopter joined the search. By mid morning several members of the Cornish Rescue Team had kitted themselves up and started combing the woods and paths.

It appears that the lady suffers with a mental problem and she hadn't been taking her medication. Her husband, who is less than useless, didn't notice any change in the way she was acting, although several neighbours said that she had been behaving strangely for the last few days.

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She was found around mid afternoon, about two miles away, on a cycle path leading to the coast. Still very distressed and in quite a mess.

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I haven't heard any more other than she was taken to hospital to be checked over and to sort out her medication. I expect the paper shop will be able to fill in all the details tomorrow.

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It's the County Show this weekend, so although good weather has been forecast, we can expect rain. It always rains for the Show.