After midnight..............

It's after midnight, still too early to go to bed. I've tried watching television, reading, I was going to say hot milk, but I'm not a hot milk sort of person.. There's nothing worse than fighting with a pillow, that feels like it's full of bricks, waiting for sleep to come.

Reality has hit home. It's an age thing. I've had to re-apply for a passport and it required a new photograph. There's nothing that bring home to a person how time has treated them than a passport photo. The shaving mirror never tells the truth, or perhaps you get too used to the vision of loveliness you see smiling back at you............. I jest !

Another tell tale sign was a white eyebrow. Yes, I found my first white eyebrow. They have always had a will of their own and now they are letting me down in other ways. Can you dye eyebrows?

I'm spending a few days with sister-in-law and her husband, this coming weekend, going over the plans for our Russian trip. Looks like I'm going to have to buy a suit, something I thought I would never be seen in again, but I look quite good formally dressed...................... and I can always be buried in it.................. what a thought !

My Laptop has just had a major failure. I get the feeling it's related to Service Pack III which I installed a day or two ago. I could well do without the expense of a new P.C but I just couldn't do without one now. Start, with the Fn key, has run all the tests and come up with a driver problem. Looks like an email to Dell, as M.Soft says there is not an update available to sort the problem. More waiting on others. I hate that.

An early night..........

I must get an early night, and by that I mean before midnight. Twice in the last few days, I woken up at three A.M after falling asleep in front of the television. Last night it was MASH.

So, what have I been doing to keep myself occupied, now I am a man of leisure. Walking, when the weather is right, more than I have ever done before, even with the dog. I've had to buy a second pair of walking boots. The first pair self destructed after about 25 miles. The problem with buying cheap !

I've also bought a cycle. I live a few hundred yards from a cycle trail, so I would be silly not to make use of it. It's part of an old mineral rail line which ran from the town to the little port of Pentewan. There's a beautiful beach there which I fully intend to make use of in the Summer.

I've done some joining as well. A camera club, that meets weekly. A group of very keen amateurs, but a group with many different styles and subjects, which I'm sure I can learn from. And I've joined a local church. My family have always been associated with the church, so I've joined the congregation of a very old little church at a village just outside of town. It's names after one of the Cornish Saints, St. Mewan. I will be glad when the better weather arrives. I'd forgotten how cold old churches can be in Winter. The heating system was probably install when it was built, in thirteen something !

A busy week, with dentist, hair dresser, tumble drier to be repaired and fascia joints to be resealed, as well as usual shopping trips etc. I've also got to get my passport renewed, on the instructions of brother-in-law. We were going to Scotland later this year, but I think that's been changed. It's still his secret, but I know he has an American friend who is a travel agent, and there was some take about Russia a few weeks back, so you never know................ and I'm up for it !

Late at night...................

I've had the joy of watching two of my favourite films this week. Pretty Woman and Shirley Valentine. I don't know how many times I have watched them, I only know that I will take great pleasure in seeing them again................. hopefully soon. Do you have favourite films?

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The closing words of S.V made me think of how I feel at this time. My phrasing.........'I've been a husband, I've been a father, and now I'm me again'. What a daunting thought. While the rest of the country was gripped in snow and ice today, I spent an hour on the beach, reliving a walk of 30 years ago. Amongst the flotsam and jetsam of the tide, my mind was not idle.

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How many people would be happy to have the possibilities I have now? I have responsibility for no one, I am responsible to no one. I owe nothing and am owed nothing. The world is my lobster !!!!

And yet I would exchange it in a second for.............................. well, you know what. But that can never be.

I've had a letter today from the Dept. of Works and Pensions (the D.W.P), to say that they have made an over payment to Cag in her Benefit entitlement. They are wrong, in the respect of the amount of payment they are asking to be returned. In fact there was a small overpayment, by two days, two hours and fifteen minutes. I have replied to their request, pointing out their error and asking them if a repayment is still required..................... and I bet it is.

Here I sit...............

Here I sit, it's late at night, and I'm wondering where the last two months have gone.

O.K, so I've been spurred into Blogging again by two 'distant' ladies who just wouldn't leave me alone. Thank you both.

The funeral went well. A Civil Ceremony, as Cag would have wanted it, rather than a religious service. Music by Il Divo and Patrazio. Eats and drinks by The Holmbush Inn, thank you Nicky. I thought that best, as there were too many to invite back to our/my little home and I couldn't cater for more than a dozen. Not enough cups..................... or glasses, and sandwiches tend to curl if you're not careful..

Christmas was spent at my daughters. I seem closer, and she seems closer to me than she ever was before. She and Cag were very different, so lets say there was tension there at times. She had the most awful cold, so her partner had to cook dinner, and a very good job he made of it. Grandkids were great................. what more can I say.

New Year was a few days with S-in-L and B-in-L. They live in Bishopsteignton, high on the hill overlooking the Teign valley. Midnight we went out onto the balcony and watch hundreds of fireworks from reveler's parties in the houses below us. We joined in with rockets, and a toast to 'absent friends'.

I've been back to stay with them since then. Every few weeks, they visit my M-in-Law to get shopping and look after her accounts, so I asked if I could go with them. She was unable to travel to Cornwall for the funeral, so I promissed I would call on her as soon as I could. Duty done and the day went well.

Now a strange thing. I don't wish to imply anything, but I have a S-in-L who was widowed about two years ago, and each time I've visited Bisopsteignton, she has been there. I've another trip planned for the end of the month, and I know she will be there then. I've also been invited on a holiday to Scotland later in the year, and she has also been asked if she would like to go. Is somebody playing 'match maker' or is she putting herself forward? Now there's the question.

The future? Well, I've been written off as far as work is concerned. I have a small pension which I have taken early. The Government don't seem to want me to work, just to inform them if I find a job. That's how bad it is in this area. They are happy to make my incoming up to a figure that I can live on.......... with care, so I'm going to spend this year waiting to see what turns up.

Those thoughts I had, so many years ago, when I said I wanted to retire at 45 and go back to work at 65, keep running through my mind. Be careful what you wish for. It might just come to pass.

Like Arnie........................... I'll be back.

Greetings..........

Just a quick note to wish everyone.............

Merry Christmas and a happy, healthy and prosperous 2009.

Love, IanS.

Out and about............

It's been a wonderful weekend, weather wise. I've skipped out for a couple of afternoons to take trips to the coast, only a few miles away, but seldom visited in the last few years. The sun was warm, but a cutting breeze did what was needed to blow away the cobwebs.
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It's been a dozen years or more since I've been on the harbour side at Mevagissy. There are far fewer working boats now than there were, and very few pleasure or visiting craft at this time of the year.

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From Mev I ventured further along the coast to Gorran Haven and Vault Beach. There's a gated roadway that runs along the top of the beach for Coast Guard use, and I have memories of sexual harassment there one very warm after noon.............. but I didn't complain. It's a nudist beach on warmer days, but there wasn't a goose pimple in sight.

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Next stop Carhayes Castle, hiding in the trees, with the lake full of water birds. Pheasants from the Estate were also making an appearance................. but I didn't manage to 'bag' one on this trip.

The beach at Carhayes was empty, and even in summer there's usually plenty of room. No brave dog walkers today, just a small number of cars, enjoying the view.

A little further on, Port Holland, a few cottages, two other people, and me with my camera. Beautiful views and solitude, something I've had precious little of in the last years since mobility became a problem. It's lead me to a decision, a need for some more appropriate footwear. Town shoes, mud and wet rocks are not a good combination, So a 'call in' at the Sunday Market on the way home has solved that problem. Walking boots and thick socks.

I shall be going back, but in the mean time, there are people to see, places to be, maidens to rescue, dragons to slay, varlets to vanquish, prayers to pray.

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Step right up............

“Step right up folks. Welcome to The Roller Coaster of Life……… climb aboard……………. take your seats…………. hold on very tight. Nobody get off ‘till the end of the ride.”

……………………….. and that’s been rather like the last two weeks for me. Ups, downs, sudden tight curves………………….. and a corkscrew twist, just before the last bend.

…………………………but I’m through it, and have some how reached the other side. Yes, I’m lost at times, angry at other times, and still not sure what I should be feeling. I’m told the pain never really goes away, and I’m more than ready to believe that. I hope I am able eventually to put my feelings into a box and only open it when I have the strength to deal with them.

For now, I’m content to see out the remnants of 2008 and hopefully make something of a new start in the New Year.

Those wishes I made so many years ago in my teens. To retire at 45, have 20 good years, then go back to work at 65. Well I’m not 65 yet, but in future I shall be careful what I wish for. I may just get it !