Another Sunday.......

At last a little 'me time'. I managed to set some time aside and spent it clearing up the garden, composting all the plants that had helped to feed us over the Summer. I also managed to finish the last of the 'raised beds' that I will use for growing next year. There is still more work to be done on the main growing area (sounds grand don't it?), but that will have to wait for more thinking time.

My mother got wet today. Not the call of nature type, more going to sleep with a cup of tea in her hand! It's not the first time it's happened, and I doubt the last, but it was another evening of shampooing for me and Vax.

Watched another couple of episodes, 7 and 8, of Band of Brothers tonight. We get it out when we can't find anything on the television. It's on tape but I will definitely get it on C.D when I can. Every time we view we see something different and It's a great story.

Saturdays child is.............?

It was a bit of a rush, but I managed to get Cag out for a couple of hours this afternoon. It was only a trip to a garden centre, but it was a change of scene and a breath of fresh air for her. Had a bit of luck there. We were under charged for goods by £10, but it's wasn't until I checked the receipt at home that I picked it up. Felt very guilty for about two minutes.

Decided to drop a couple of hints onto friend Blogs, about this daily diary of mine. I know they can keep a secret.

The visit to the doctors is still going around in my head. Think I will give the local Carers Association a ring on Monday and get advice from them, just in case I should have to spend some time in hospital. Not much point in worrying but I like to be prepared.

My mother is unsure of the time she has spent with us. She honestly thought it was only about two months, where as it's almost ten. Time flies when you're enjoying yourself. ".....but what have I been doing all that time" she asked me. "Sleeping", I replied.

Friday..... not the thirteenth but.

I spent the morning trying to get ahead of myself so I would have enough time to arrive at the doctors early. I shouldn't have rushed as I had plenty of time in the end.

It was just as I expected. Another set of ultra-scans for the gall bladder problem and an assessment for the hernia. The hernia can probably be done under 'a local' at a clinic a few miles from here, but the results from the scan are the more worrying, waiting to see how they compare which the scan five years ago. A few days out now might save a few weeks in the future, so it's better to get things done now rather than hope it will go away.

Cag could handle a few days in care if I had to go into hospital but my mother would deteriorate very quickly if she was taken out of her routine. I doubt if many would appreciate that.

The rest of the day was pretty ordinary, except I had a little extra to drink over dinner, but sometimes one needs that little extra. Waiting on other people now. Don't you just hate that?

Late Wednesday, and Thursday.......

I closed a tad too early last night. I thought the day was almost over, but my mother had other ideas.

About 11.30pm, and I heard her moaning. I went into her room and she was trying to sit up and get out of bed. She was ill. She was a little sick, all caught in waste bin thanks to my quick thinking. I stayed with her for about another 20 minutes, and the she was sick again, very sick.

Years ago I would have joined in, but now it means very little to me. My years of working in a pub, cleaning up other peoples mess, and being a full time carer have put me above that sort of feeling. If it's not me that ill, I just get on with it, but if it is me............ that's different.

I'm pretty sure the reason was pastry. We all had a chicken and ham pie for dinner, and I've noticed it before, that my mother seems to have difficulty digesting pastry. So pies are out from now on.

Thursday has been just an ordinary day. I managed to grab a few minutes of 'me time' at the start of the day and spent it cloud watching. It was that sort of day.

Washing, shopping, ironing, cooking, and that summed up the rest of the day. Getting myself prepared now for a trip to the doctors tomorrow........... with a little interpretation.

Wednesday, or is it?

I looked at the clock. 6.05am, an hour before I needed to get up. I could hear movement and thought it was probably my mother needing to use the bathroom. I gave it another five minutes and then went to see how she was.

She was coming out of the bathroom, fully dressed, bedroom tidied, tablets sorted for the day. I helped her into the lounge, made her a cup of tea, made sure she was warm, and went back to bed for an hour.

She said she had been up for an hour, couldn't sleep, and was having trouble with itching, so thought by getting dressed it would take her mind off the irritation. Some sort of logic had made it's way though a fragile mind.

My early start was due to having to take the car in for it's second birthday service. Neighbours had already noticed that something was in the wind when they saw me cleaning it yesterday ............ and when I started vacuuming the interior.................... the whole estate was is the know. Something is up!

Just for the record. I checked outside at about 10.30pm and the car roof was white. Our first frost of the winter. That will put pay to the beans!

Is it Tuesday already?

My mother was sitting on her bed crying. She had been bleeding and she was worried. The skin on the pressure areas of her bottom is very fragile and will break down for the slightest reason. Scratching with long nails doesn't help! I cleaned, then redressed the damaged area and all was well with the world again. The Community Nurse will check it out tomorrow, so she can deal with it.

Had some thought about my own health today and have made an appointment to see the doctor on Friday. A hernia problem has been playing up, and the recurrence of a gall-bladder problem has reared it's ugly head again. It will mean some tests I suspect, and some suggestions about lifting. Not the easiest thing to control when you are a carer. The real problem will be if there has to be some form of surgery. Lets hope it doesn't come to that. IT CAN'T COME TO THAT!

Monday.........

Well, it's not Monday any more. Spent rather a long time catching up on favourite Blogs and we've slipped into Tuesday A.M.

A confusing morning. My mother started talking about my brother again........ but I'm an only child. Figured it out that she was thinking of me as my father, in a switched off kind of way, and that my brother was in fact my uncle. Are you following?

A cup of tea put everything to rights and the rest of the day was normal............ whatever that means.

Cag has eaten well today........... at last. Her appetite is small at the best of times, but today she had a breakfast, a snack in the afternoon and a decent (for her) dinner this evening. Cooking and having it left on the plate is rather a thankless task, so I was quite pleased with today's effort.

And so to bed. 12.45am and a little Cognac left to drink. Got to have a little vice in my life, just wish it would involve two people.

Sunday........

I hate Sundays, always have, always will! My usual 7.45am start and my usual 11pm finish. The end of the day was spent shampooing the carpet. Removing the 'track marks' my mother had left, from her chair to the door.

I spent an hour this afternoon cleaning and polishing in the bathroom, but couldn't help thinking it was a waste of time. I cleared a little dust, if nothing else, but I knew that the toilet mat would get a soaking before the day was out. Not from me, I add!

Cag pissed me off a little this morning. I was getting her back into bed after an early cup of coffee ( about 8.30am) and she starts 'the grumbles'. I was re-siting her catheter and she felt it pulling. I asked her why she was moaning, to which she replied, "I didn't know what you were doing". I told her that I was doing what I do every day of my life, trying to look after her and keep her dry.

I hate it when I'm asked to do something I'm just about to do. I bubble inside and most times I'm able to bite my tongue but sometimes I just have to let my feelings be known. A lot of the time it comes back on Cag, because she ought to know me better and has the ability to reason. My mother has lost that, most of the time.

Saturday......

It wouldn't take an Indian tracker to follow my mother around today. The 'little dribbles' were not difficult to follow. For somebody who has nothing else to think about all day, you'd think getting to the toilet (common name for bathroom) in time would be a breeze, but not so. Once is an accident, twice is habit! Her mobility is bad due to arthritic knees, but it doesn't take much thought to get the timing right........ or does it?

Took Cag out shopping this afternoon. Very little traffic for a Saturday afternoon on the main road into the County....... amazing! She bought two jumpers she didn't need. She has half a dozen new ones she hasn't worn as yet. I think she is collecting colours.

I actually bought a jacket for myself. £50 reduced to £32. Supposed to be 20% off, but the assistant made an error. Should I have told him? Should I f*ck!

A new thought....

I've just deleted all but one of the Posts I have placed on this Blog. It was really going nowhere. No direction and very little input. So what now?Perhaps the truth, or perhaps lies to confuse................ you or me!

I wrote in the first Post about this being a place for me, to unwind at the end of the day, but it was never that. I was writing for others, for what people would think of me, and in all truth, I don't really care.................. or is that the first lie?

We'll see how this goes. I can always start again. Nothing is written in stone.