It's been a surreal sort of day. Everything to do, but can do nothing. I have managed to contact the relations I was unable to email yesterday, and I was definitely more difficult to speak with them, but they were more upset than I expected.
I spent the afternoon sorting in my mother's room. It didn't take long. A lifetime in six black bags. It was all she brought with her and all she wanted, but six black bags.........
It also gave me time to go over the happenings of yesterday. I ask myself many questions, reviewed my actions and wondered......... if. The more I thought about what happened, the more I was sure it was what my mother would have wanted. True, there were a few minutes of distress, but after months of agony? I'd read, only this week, that everyone dies alone, but that was not the case in this instance.
And now the thoughts on what to do. Most of her friends and family, those who are left, are in the Torbay area, so it would seem to be right to have a commemoration there, rather than here, where there would be a very small attendance. I have to contact the family undertaker on Monday and will take advice as to what he can offer. Hopefully a service at her church in Torquay, I'm sure the vicar would go along with that, cremation, and her ashes scattered where my father's were scattered. She would have liked that, providing it didn't cause too much trouble.
Cags reactions have surprised me today. She's been a little more awkward, a trifle more demanding, and more vocal in her complaints. Feelings of being left out? I wonder. I have had to be firmer when dealing with her. I was hoping for an easier day but.......
An early night is beckoning. I shall be up early tomorrow as we are planning to visit her sister and brother-in-law in Devon. Good for me too, as I will be able to bounce ideas and questions off people with knowledge, a rare occurrence for me of late.
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5 comments:
How I feel for you. Your post has brought back such painful memories for me. I know how it feels to put all your Mum's possessions into binbags.
I hope you don't mind but I have put a link to your blog in a post I have just written.
My condolences to you. You will be surprised at the love and comfort you receive at her funeral.
All my best wishes to you. Take care of yourself.
Eileen xx
A very moving post, Ian. I hope you can take comfort and support from friends and family. (And even blog friends - we're still here thinking of you.)
SUHs xxx
Those final arrangements are always the hardest and the person most able takes over. I was left twice doing what needed to be done for my dad, first the service in England then the scattering of his ashes here. Like you, I wouldn't have wanted it any other way, it's like the final gift that we can give, the final way we can take care of the one we love.
I think it's wonderful that you want to scatter her ashes with her late husband. And like superwoman and FB before me, I do am sure that your friends will be there for you however you need us. As for Cag, perhaps it is the temporary loss of attention but maybe there's a little bit of realisation of her own mortality at this time Ian.
Well sweet man, I'm here for you as are so many others. Know you are being thought of and held close in our hearts. SUH.
Fi
xxxxxx
"The more I thought about what happened, the more I was sure it was what my mother would have wanted.
You gave your best, and I am sure she knew it. Don't discredit your own knowledge dear man, it appears to me, you do know what she would want.
Thinking of you.
Many, many ((SUHs))
Thank you all once again. Afraid I shan't have a lot of time to read you all tonight, as a few emails have arrived and I need to reply.
I love SUH's thank you.
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