Monday.....NYE.

Not the best of days. It started badly and I wasn't able to throw off the anger until well into the afternoon.

My brother-in-law phoned at 8.30am, asking me to see that Cag did not phone her sister at 9am as she usually does. Sister had a very bad night and he wanted her to sleep as long as possible. He said he would tell her that Cag had phoned and that sister should call her back when she was ready. I explained all this to Cag and I thought that it was understood.

Sister phoned just after 9am, I answered, agreed that Cag had phoned earlier, didn't want to wake her, passed the phone to Cag. I then heard Cag deny twice vehemently that she had made any phone call.

It made me out to be a liar (which bothers me not) but also made sister's husband out to be a liar, which troubles me greatly, as he was only trying to do what was best for his wife.

Sister is in a similar situation I was in twelve months ago. A mother, aged 90, who is finding it difficult to cope. She is the eldest of five daughters and feels responsible for her mother, although there are others who could share the burden, if they could or were willing. Thus the reason for a troubled night. I know those nights, I had many.

Thinking about it, I'm still angry now. Just a little thought, any thought. And this is New Years Eve! What a great start.........

God bless everybody, love and best wishes for 2008............... I'm having a brandy!

Sunday.............

Another Sunday, not my favourite day of the week. I still can't get used to the idea of having less to do. How did I manage before in 2006? I always seemed to have a full day then. Think I will have to take Fb's advice and use the extra time to make plans.

Our usual trip out to the Market this afternoon. Peanuts for the birds, and a bacon butty for us............ heavy on the onions! Coffee when we arrived home, and then I spent some time sifting and shredding, finding more old paperwork that's not needed anymore..... I hope!

Been catching up on emails tonight, friends and relations in Oz. Remembered this year that they are ahead of us time wise. Usually I'm a day late in sending New Years greeting.

Just in case I don't get around to everybody tomorrow. Love and best wishes to you all, have a great New Years Eve, health and happiness for 2008. Let's hope it's a year for common sense.

Saturday

The television's ordered. Full of apologies that it won't be delivered before the New Year, but there's no desperate hurry, so the end of next week will be fine.

We've had it all today. Sunshine, showers, high winds and thunder. God must be moving furniture, getting ready for the New Years Eve party. Hope I'm not invited. I even checked the paper today to see if I had been mentioned in The Honours List, but I've missed out again.

Managed to catch up with my cousin this morning and thank her and her husband for my Christmas present, 10 litres of Merlot. Cag's not a red wine drinker so I'm going to try to drink it all myself............... slowly.

The decorations are down, what little there was. The cards are put away and all checked off against next years list. Some adjustments have been made, a name deleted, others added. Another way of keeping up with the hatch, match and dispatch of 2007.

Friday ........... and running late!

Running late because we've decided to up date our television, and I've been comparing spec's for the last hour or so. I'm confused. Looks like it will be a Sony, one of the 3000 range, but which one? The one thing that has made it's self clear is that the 'on line' prices are £150 cheaper than our local dealers. And they wonder why more people are shopping on line!

Hit the Sales today. A mad moment on the way home from the Bank. I was more interested in checking out the prices of televisions but an 'Up to 70% Off' notice in the Clarks shoe shop caught my eye. I bought a very good pair of slip-ons, reduced from £50 to £15. Shame they didn't have another pair in my size at that price. I'm not a great shoe person, after all, you can only ware two at a time.

Another weekend looms. Half the bloggers in the world, those who blog at work, will be unavailable for two days. No wonder everything is falling to bits. I've quite surprised myself, being able to keep these daily posts going over the last few weeks. I think I would miss it now.

Thursday............lost!

I really do feel lost. Glad to get Christmas done with, and can't wait to see the back of New Year. I feel like I'm waiting at traffic lights, those timed road works ones. You can see there is nothing coming and still the lights are at red.

I did venture out this afternoon to drop a prescription off for a neighbour and to get fresh bread from the Supermarket. There wasn't the crush I had expected. Every thing was sensible and well ordered. A small queue for petrol, but the shop was unexpectedly quiet.

The weather for the next couple of days looks dodgy, a touch of rain in the air, but Sunday looks fine, so I've promised Cag another outing. We will have to make another trip to Devon soon, to sort out the laptop I've let my brother-in-law have. The Lois Royo desktop is a little confusing for him and he's asked for a more conservative background..............

.

.

I could tell him how to do it with a 'click',

But that would take all the sport out of it.

My desktop at the moment is....................

.

So what does that say about me?

Wednesday..........Boxing Day.

An early start. It took four hours to be out of the door by 11am. We were heading for Brixham, a small fishing town in Devon, and home of two of Cag's sisters. Cag's mother was visiting and we were all invited for lunch. It had been nearly three years since we have all managed to be together so it really was a day to remember.

A lovely lunch, salmon and salad, good company with the type of conversation that I miss so much. And later, a game of Scrabble. I've never played competitively before, but I did rather well, even if I do say so myself............. and without a 'spell check'.

The journey home was quick and uneventful. Cold meat and chips for tea, left over from our Christmas gammon. And now that 'in between time', the few days twixt Christmas and New Year. A wasted time where nothing much gets done.

It's been a long day, a good day and a tiring one. Let's hope for many more in 2008.

Tuesday....... and it's here.

The day started iffy but ended with a touch of red in the sky.

.

I didn't know whether to put an entry up for today. Blogging on Christmas day! How sad is that? But this blog is for me and it's what I like to do. I watched The Great Escape yesterday, and Love Actually tonight........... so It must be Christmas.

.

Merry Christmas to all.

IanS.

Monday..............

Spent a lot of the day puzzling over money. Different calculations and different ways of doing things. I don't want the final figure to upset our situation but it looks like nothing will change. Even thought of giving it all away. It would solve a problem, but I got negative feedback on that idea from Cag. Think she wants another ring.

Some of the afternoon was spent filling out and cross referencing our 2008 diaries and calenders. It really brings home to you how quickly the years go by. I make a note of some of the appliances we buy as well, so we can celebrate the washing machines birthday etc. I still keep a note of birthdays and anniversaries of those who are no longer with us. Again it brings home how time flies.

Time to let my thoughts turn to tomorrow and to wish everybody all they would wish themselves. Have a really great day and......................

May your stuffing be tasty,

May your turkey be plump,

May your potatoes and gravy

Have never a lump.

May your sprouts be delicious

Your pud take the prize,

And may your Christmas dinner

Stay off your thighs!

Happy Christmas Everyone!

Sunday....and counting.

I've never known a day where I've had so much time. It's been a month since my mother passed away and my days are back to normal. I'm still getting up at the same time, but with only one lady to get ready for the day, things are a lot easier and I feel more relaxed.

I still keep wondering how I should feel about my mother and her death. People seem to expect me to be sad, unhappy, I don't know what, but I have none of those feelings. I feel that death is the most natural of things and not something to be feared or to shy away from.

I was pleased to have been able to make my mother's life a little more easy for her, even for such a short while. I know the pain she suffered, especially the increasing pain in her last few weeks. I was with her when she died, did what was right after she had died and I can ask no more than that.

My memories of the last twelve months seem very vague. The memories of her twenty, thirty years ago are far more real, as are those of my father. I hope it will always be so.

And now a New Year is just around the corner. How quickly they come and go. This one will be better and .........................different.

Saturday..............

The problem with my Internet Bank Account carried on into this morning. I kept getting '....closed for maintenance, please try later.....' I finally got through to a very nice lady on the 'help line' and she found that because it was a joint account with my mother, her name had been removed from the account. It could now only be accessed through another online account I had with the bank. Nice of them to let me know what was happening! The lady apologised that I had not been informed and said confirmation would be in the post today.

The letter arrived at 11am!!!!!!!!! That was quick you might say, but the letter was posted four days ago.

Another trip to Par Market this afternoon, just for the bacon butty. I did have a quick look around the Cookware Stand. I would love a mandolin, but I don't think I could play it. It rained while we were there, the first for days. I do hope it stays dry for Christmas. I love to see people out, well wrapped up, walking off their Christmas diner.

Friday................

What day to do the shopping? Cag asked for smoked fish for dinner so the question was answered. It had to be today. And it was mental!

The car park was a race track, with people hoping to find a space, and there were queues at the petrol station, topping up for the holidays. Then inside the store it was bedlam. I parked the trolley and walked through the crowds to get my few bits and pieces. The lady in front of me at check out worked at the store and she said it had as been busy since 8 am!

Spent an hour in the garden later, finishing another raised bed for vegetables next year. Nice in the sun but still a bitter wind.

Another three letters tonight about my mother's estate, and a phone call to Internet banking. At least somebody is still working at 11.15pm.

Thursday................

Another beautiful day, blue skies and vapour trails.............. but cold.

Did some final adjustments to the Dell's keyboard and touch pad tonight. I have a very light touch, you'll be pleased to know, so have adjusted the setting accordingly. I love responsive touch pads!

Seeing the weather was so good, I loaded up the car with Cag and went to check out the Probate Office in Bodmin, about half an hours drive away. Parking will be the problem, but there are a couple of small parking zones quite near, so it will be 'fingers crossed' on the day.

Did my duty and phoned our daughter tonight to wish her 'Happy Birthday'. It's one of those with a nine in it , so next year will be a mill stone......... opps! I mean mile stone. Couldn't help but remind her, which she thank me for!!

It doesn't look like we shall be seeing her over Christmas, but we've arranged to meet in the New Year to get some of the finances sorted out. I really need to see her on her own to go through the details of the Wills, and to discuss or own Wills, which will be revised early next year. There's nothing like a death in the family to concentrate the mind on the future..... or the lack of it.

Wednesday.........

An interesting postal delivery today.......... at last. A letter from the Court at Bodmin, with an interview date for the Probate of the Will. Jan 3rd, so that's not too long to wait. Then there was a date for my little operation. It's not until March 17th, so that should give me plenty of time to sort out some help in looking after Cag. I've set the wheels in motion over this, by phoning Social Adult Care, and asking them for an assessment. We will see what happens now.

My other little problem, gallbladder, has been playing up tonight. A flair up, they call it. All I know is that it's painful and uncomfortable. I know that it will have to be looked at after the March operation, but that may mean more than a day in hospital.

Still haven't heard from our daughter. It's her birthday tomorrow so I'll telephone. She was suppose to be paying us a visit before Christmas but it looking more unlikely the closer we get. She's just moved house or flat, so it's a busy time trying to get things sorted before the holidays........ or that's the excuse she will use.

Tuesday................

64 emails tonight, with the majority offering me the chance of on line gambling. What's that all about? I don't even do the lottery.

It's so cold...... or is it an age thing? I'm sure there are others that are coping with much lower temperatures, but I spent about an hour and a half outside today, and I was so glad to get back indoors again.

I think I've completed the change over from the Toshiba to the new Dell. It's surprising what rubbish is collected in such a short time. My brother-in-law phoned this morning to ask how things were going. He's interested in the Toshiba because of the Wi-Fi. He'll be in Australia for six weeks just after the new year and hopes to take it with him to keep in touch with business, as well as family and friends. Any problems why it won't work in Oz?

Monday and .........

Monday and pay day. A trip to the village Post Office this morning to collect our money. I would prefer to keep to this system as it gives me chance to support a dying breed............ and they do a really good selection of cards

We had two unusual visitors to our bird table this morning. A male blackcap, probably a recent arrival from Eastern Europe, ( like a Hungarian plumber) to over winter here, and a male bullfinch. Now I thought the bullfinches we saw in the summer this year would have been long gone to warmer climates by now, but it appears many over winter with us, they just keep out of sight.

Shopping is going to be a problem this week and it's looking like I shall have to do a final shop on Saturday or Sunday, not that we shall need very much, because we don't indulge in anything different over Christmas........... well, perhaps a Bailey's or three!

We've had an invite, and I'm rather glad. Our Christmas was shaping up to be very ordinary, but Cag's mother is staying with one of her other daughters for Christmas and we've been asked to drop in as surprise visitors. Its at Brixham, about an hour and a half away, but Cag hasn't seen her mother for about two years, and seeing what happened with mine recently, a visit would be the right thing to do.

I'm hoping our daughter makes a threatened visit to us before Christmas. She finishes work on the 20th and said she would try. It would be good to go over with her what I have planed when the sale of my mother's house is completed. It's better done face to face rather than the on telephone. The Will has been left in such a way as to make the decisions mine, so I need to clarify things, then there is no confusion and everyone knows what's happening.

Think I'll buy a Harley............ but I've been told that fast motor bikes and fast women are very dangerous for someone of my age. Both are liable to kill you!

Sunday.........

Wind still easterly....... and bitter. A typical Sunday for me, plus the added excitement of pining up Christmas cards.........wow! Cag also asked me to cut some holly for a table display, easily done as we have a dozen trees within 50 yards of us. No berries, the black birds have seen to that.

I cut a large growing tip, planted it in a large vase weighted down with gravel, and dressed it as a Christmas tree. I'm impressed and so is the dog. It's the first real 'tree' we've had since we moved here and might become a habit.

Spent much of the evening clearing out more files from the Toshiba and backing them up on disc. I've already saved them to an external hard drive so I've edged my bets, just in case.

Sadly watched the last episode of Cranford tonight. I love those sort of dramas and this one was so well done. Will be scanning the pages of the Radio Times to see what other classics are happening over the holidays.

A phone call to make tomorrow to find out what is happening to my mother's will, and when I can expect an appointment for probate. Not the last phone call I expect.

Saturday......

Dry but with an easterly bite in the wind. Definitely a vest day.

Usual morning getting Cag polished and dusted and then this afternoon a trip to Par Market. I wanted a boning knife to finish off the set, and a card reader, the only thing that was missing from the Dell. I will also be able to use it with my old clunker, a sort of Christmas pressy.

Couldn't leave without sampling a bacon butty topped with onions. I don't have to ask anymore. The girls know what I'm there for!

I've heard from a friend and neighbour in Torquay that people are moving into the house there. I've not heard anything from the Equity company as yet, and even if I do, there's not a lot I can do until I get the Will through probate. I'd hate to think they were making any more money out of us in interest. They've done well enough already, to the tune of £100k !!!!!!

Thursday & Friday..........

Dell boy was delivered Thursday at 10 o'c, all within 48 hours, impressive! It stayed in the box most of the day, just too much to do. Cag wanted a trip to the garden centre, to buy another Maasai figurine, a sort of Christmas present from her to her. I bought some glitter for the sprigs of holly decorations.

I did get around to taking a closer look during the evening and it's a gem. A Latitude 630, 2.2 dual core, 2gb ram, 120 rom....... with all the trimmings. And a touch pad that behaves as you would expect it too, not just at it's own whim.

So yesterday and today has been 'playtime'. Loading the minimum of programmes and taking out those I shall never use. Making new files ready to transfer data from the Toshiba and clearing out a load of rubbish.

I've even had a request for the Toshiba. My brother-in-law is interested and it would probably suit him as he always uses a mouse so wouldn't have touch pad trouble....... hopefully.

I did manage to get an hour or so in the garden this afternoon, to clear up the results of the recent gales and to cut back plants ready for over wintering. It was .............. bracing............ Brrrrrrrrr!!

Wednesday........

Another early start. The nurse phoned to say she would be with us before 9am to give Cag a once over and a catheter change. We were both pleased it was this week as it often gives problems for a few days before it settles down, and the last thing you want to happen is to have troubles over the holidays.

While she was here the phone rang and a metallic voice told me that the Dell would be delivered tomorrow morning........... under 48 hours from ordering!

Cag's hand are getting worse. The right one (the flipper) has very little movement in the fingers and is in an open position, whilst in the left the finger tends to fold in and form a fist. It's been more noticeable these last few weeks as several times I've had to make phone calls for her then pass her the phone. She even has trouble holding the phone now.

I've been suggesting for weeks that she try to use one hand to exercise the other but she never has been one to help herself. Not that anything will make a lot of difference now, but I do think that over the years, she could have done more. It looks as if she resigned herself to the inevitable years ago, where as I would have fought harder. I try to on her behalf but it's not enough. Thankfully she does not see so far down the road as I do or know the consequences.

Never mind, I have the washing and ironing to look forward to tomorrow. Boy, do I know how to boogie!

Tuesday.....

An early start. Blue skies and vapour trails................ and so very cold. My car was telling me it was -3c, but I already knew that. It was like driving and igloo.

Mid morning and the roofs are still white. The hairdressers been, we're both a ton lighter........ or feel that way. I get Cag kitted up for going out, then we head to Truro and Marks & Spencer's food hall. We purchased a few luxury items, food wise, for Christmas.

Think I made a big mistake on the way home. I lost concentration for just a moment at a road junction, and think I ran a red light, or rather crossed very late on an amber. It's a camera controlled junction, so I will know in the not too distant future. Could be an expensive trip to Truro.

Nothing in the post today. I've made a list of everything outstanding, quite a list! I get the feeling that next week will be a week of chase up calls, but who will want to know that close to Christmas?

Used my latest laptop tonight. It's behaved perfectly. Do you think it knows it's on it's way out.

Monday........

It's ordered. Mr Dell has confirmed and it's on it's way. I've chosen their medium spec and just tweaked it a little with a faster processor. Spent most of the evening transferring and sorting data to an external hard drive which I use for back up. It's given me chance to do some very necessary 'house keeping'. Not only a hoarder in real life but also on line!

The weather has changed for the better. The wind has dropped and we suffered blue skies with white fluffy things today. A beautiful sunset tonight, so I was well pleased.

A lot of the day was spent dealing with more paper work, much of it concerning my father's estate. Letters to write to the Revenue Service, to a Friendly Society, they weren't all that friendly on the phone, and ordering replacement Death Certificates, because the request to return them had been ignored. Still haven't heard from the Bank. Wonder what's taking so long?

I was thinking what would happen if it was my daughter acting as my executor after my demise. She would have given up within days, said 'sod it!' and gone shopping. Not a bad idea!

Sunday..........

More gales today and that horrible horizontal rain that stings when it hits bare skin, not that I was running around naked today! The wind was so bad that it had moved the greenhouse almost off it's base. I managed to lever it back on, luckily without the sound of breaking glass.

I've spent much of the day doing the odd jobs to get the home back as it was before our visitor came to stay. Grab rails to take down, furniture to rearrange. I even managed to find time to clean around the cooker. I wipe the top daily but some of the other jobs have been 'forgotten' over the last few months. I think we are now back to normal.

Been catching up on my email replies tonight. I started on my latest laptop but after the second misfire, I went back to my old clunker. It's a phone call to Dell tomorrow for sure.

The Christmas blues of yesterday have left me. It still won't make me a Christmas person but I may be caught singing a few carols to myself................ very quietly.

Saturday.......and a surprise!

I was a little late this morning. The weather did nothing to encourage me to be an early riser. Gales and showers once again. We also had an electricity black out. No News 24 for a whole 10 minutes.

I didn't open the post when it arrived, we had breakfast first, and then over coffee............. a surprise. Two cheques for a lot more than I had expected, from two policies taken out on my father many years ago. The original amounts were small, but with the years, bonuses and interest, it amounted to a most reasonable figure. Good old Dad!

I was enough to set me thinking about a different laptop. My Toshiba is only about twelve months old. It's fast, has enough of everything for all I need to do, but the touch pad is an absolute dog (Dogs, please don't be offended). I am in the middle of writing something on the Net, an order or a blog, I move the cursor and the screen goes back to the previous item I was working on............ all is lost. I've even started using my old Evesham clunker again. It's slower but no worries.

So tonight I've been scouring the Net and checking back through old computer magazines to try to get myself up to speed on what's available at a reasonable price. And I'm confused!!!!!

No more news today from mother-in-law. I get the feeling that things will kick in right on the holidays....... don't you know!

Friday....... and gales.

I came over faint this afternoon. I could feel the blood draining from my face and I had to grab hold of Cag's chair to steady myself. It was at the same time as the shop assistance added up Cag's purchases and I had to get my credit card out! Strange!!

It wasn't really the day for shopping. We had to judge transfers and dodge the heavy showers, but there aren't many chances for us to get out together between now and Christmas. Perhaps another trip out together next week and that will about do until after the big day.

More news about my mother-in-law. The doctor visited her today with blood test results. Liver function is poor and she is jaundiced. She also has a gallbladder problem (ain't we all!) giving her some pain. He wanted to admit her to hospital but she wouldn't go, so he's coming back to see her on Monday. Hopefully the other daughters might have had time to work on her by then, and she will see more sense. But Christmas is coming and something always happens over Christmas.

I'm still waiting for paperwork to progress a little further in settling my mother's estate. Nothing can be completed until after the Will has been proven, and I can't see that happening before the holidays, but at least I could get everything else sorted.

I can feel my 'I hate Christmas' mood coming on. It's a little later than last year. I haven't started mumbling 'Humbug' yet, but there's plenty of time.

Thursday................hic!

I can feel myself as almost back to normal. Extra time during the day, extra time for myself, much needed time for myself. There's still a lot of work to do. Two telephone calls to the Revenue today, one to ask about reclaiming income tax and another about the tax form regarding the Estate. Forms to fill out for probate and collecting all the bits and pieces to go with it.

A leisurely shopping trip later today. We are not getting through half as much food as a fortnight ago, and the freezer is still full. Shopping to a list is the answer.

Not very good news about my mother-in-law. My sister-in-law and husband went to visit today and to do a couple of small maintenance jobs for her. She's not been eating, hardly looking after herself. She has Home Help but they can't be there all the time. I can't help thinking that she knows we have a spare room now, but she is a completely different package to my mother.

Cag has already span said 'NO' to any thought of her coming here and to be honest, I just couldn't do it anymore. There are five daughters, so let the other four sort it out.

I've all but finished our Christmas cards tonight. Just a few addresses to double check. I've loaded a few with glitter confetti, the sort you will still find glinting from the carpet in six months time. It started with another of Cag's sisters doing it on us, and now it's spread throughout the family. So just be careful when you open your next email. You could get showered with glitter!

Tuesday......... and Wednesday.

An early start, 6.30am, plenty of time, but it was one of those days. No matter how I tried to get ahead, something always held me back. Cag had catheter problems which lost us 30 minutes and from then on everything got behind.

We did manage to get to Cag's sisters in time for something to eat and then get to the church by 2.00pm. My mother was already there, so it gave us a little while to see that everything was in order, it was, and view the coffin. Mum would have been pleased as it looked so narrow, and a beautiful floral tribute made it look just right.

The Service was just what she would have wanted. Simple and meaningful. The vicar had lots of good words to say about her and her life. I could hardly believe them all, but as I had written most of it, they must have been right. He did say that he had made a quick calculation, and she had helped raised between £50,000 and £60,000 in organising the Bingo night for many years.

There were more in attendance than I expected, about 35. Only the older members of the congregation would have remembered her, but there were quite a few of them. Tea and biscuits in the Hall afterwards accounted for most of our family, never slow in coming forward where free eats and drinks are offered.

It also gave me chance to mingle, to meet all those I needed to and to thank everybody who came............... even if they only came for the biscuits. We must do it all again sometime, but nobody rushed forward to volunteer.

We were home by about 7.30pm. By the time I had things sorted, we'd had a snack, and a decent drink, we had both had enough. A long day.

Wednesday.

A bad night's sleep. So much going on in my head. One or two telephone calls to make today. A couple of very early policies to chase up. Probate for the Will to organise. A little shopping, a trip to the bank to get their paperwork completed, then a trip to the doctors.

The doctor was the one that was causing me the most concern. Blood test results etc. But........ GOOD NEWS! Liver and kidney function fine, blood sugar fine, blood pressure fine, cholesterol just under 4, fine. He recons I should make it to the weekend without much trouble, and wine is still on the menu. Ain't life grand.

Monday and a car wash.

No, it's not the cars birthday. There's so much mud on the road around here that I thought I'd better give it a shampoo and set before tomorrow. I doubt it will not be clean by the time we get to Torquay but at least I've tried.

A little bit of shopping today and the rest of the time was in preparation for the trip. I think every thing is sorted, even managed to give the dog a good brush through and eye trim. Not that he can see very much anymore.

It should be an interesting day and I can't help wondering how many will attend. There are very few family, and she out lived most friends. People might remember her from the church but she had not attended for many years, the vicar came to her. Still, the weather looks like it might be O.K.

An early night, for an early start.

Sunday...... wet and windy.

Wet........... it's tipping down........ and windy, sudden gusts seem to almost lift the building. Hopefully it will blow it's self out over night.

Spent the day gradually getting things in place ready for Tuesday. All the thing I will need for the day, for Cag and myself. Papers I want to go over with my brother-in-law. Gifts for others I may not be able to catch up with later. I think everything is in place.

The shredder had another outing this afternoon. Another three bags of a shredded life. Mostly old utility bills and other papers that could be used as proof of identity. I've still kept back more than I need, but like I said yesterday, I would rather do that than discard what I might need later.

The vicar phoned tonight and I went over the final ideas and plans for the funeral. I read him out the notes I had made about my mother's life, notes to base his own address on, and other than a couple of questions he said he will use, almost as written. He like the bit where I mentioned my mother enjoyed the afternoon quiz programmes on television, especially Countdown, and that she often watched them with the vicar.......... asleep in the chair. He has a habit of dropping off.

Let's hope he manages to stay awake on Tuesday.

Saturday........ a life shredded!

Well, the postman cometh, and he did bring all manner of good things! The solicitor did not tell lies. The Wills were in the post........ but only after I had made the phone call, no doubt!



I have them now so next week I can see about getting them through probate. Bodmin is the nearest County Court so it looks like a little trip is on the cards in the later part of the week.



The postman did bring another surprise. A tax rebate for my mother. I knew it was coming, I had applied for it about three weeks ago, but the last claim I made for her took about three months. It will go towards the floral tribute and the announcement in the local papers.



I phoned the vicar tonight, because I hadn't heard from him. He had just got home from being at the church Christmas Fayre all day. I could hear from his voice that he was exhausted. He was very seriously ill about two years ago and has never fully recovered. He's promised to call me tomorrow to sort out the Service and for me to pass on the notes I've made about my mother's life. I offered to email them but although he has a PC, he has yet to master emails!



I've been going through my parent's deed boxes tonight. About 70% rubbish, 25% family history to be kept, and the rest to be investigated. Old policies and saving books that may or may not be open. Not a fortune I'm afraid. The shredder has been working overtime, and I have been careful. I nearly made a mistake with some bank statements after my father died and I was determined to get thing right this time.



My daughter is on line at last. Must have paid the phone bill! Now I will have to be careful what I blog, or perhaps I won't tell her about Late at Night and do an edited version to post on Lighthouse.

Friday.........

Waiting for the post again, and of course........... nothing. So I phoned the solicitor in Torquay and was told that a letter had been sent and I should receive it tomorrow or Monday. It will probably ask me to supply more information or certificates, and won't be the Wills that I've requested.

Shopping this afternoon, but we didn't need very much. There's a fridge and freezer full to use up. Our meals have altered this week, only having to cater for the two of us has rather reduced my menu. Cag prefers vegetables to meat so I've got hold of two rather useful vegetable cook books that a neighbour was going to send to a charity shop. I will be working my way through those when I get the chance. One good thing is I've managed to get her to eat fish. She would never have fish in the home while my mother was here. I leave it to your imagination to guess why.

I've started on going through all the old paper work my mother brought down with her. The majority is rubbish but there are some documents that I feel I should hang on to, at least until the sale of the house is completed. I've also gone through the framed photos. Most of the frames will have to be discarded, so the photos have been added to the piles I already have for sorting ......... on that rainy day.

The wind is howling, and rain is lashing against the windows at this minute. I'm keeping an eye on the weather forecast for next week. The funeral's on Tuesday, so I'm keeping my fingers crossed. We might, just might, be lucky. Nothing worse that the smell of wet mac's at a funeral............. unless it's a wedding.

Thursday..... an outing.

I spent much of the morning waiting for the postman. The post seems to be arriving later and later these days. It finally arrived at 11.30am and of course, the package I was waiting for was not delivered. Perhaps tomorrow.

Cag wanted a trip into town this afternoon. She wanted a clock for the mantle shelf and eye makeup. I'm good at clocks but rubbish at makeup! We were in and out in twenty minutes, an instant choice in clocks, a glass model on steel pillars and base. Eye makeup took longer. It was cold and we were both glad to get back home.

My cousin's husband is back from his few days away. They live a couple of doors along the road. Cousin (a stoke victim) is in respite care till the weekend to give them both a break. I dropped in to see him tonight, to keep him up to date as to what's been happening. It's someone local with family knowledge that I can bounce ideas off. I spent a bit longer than I intended there....... but you can't hurry good wine.

Looks like another wait for the post tomorrow, so hope I'm more lucky then.

Wednesday......day three.

......... and day five of being an orphan.


Not a lot happening today. I had hoped that the solicitors would have sent the original Wills I had asked for, but you know solicitors. It's about all I have left to do now, to get the Will through probate. I did manage to pick up the Death Certificates from the registrar this afternoon, so the day wasn't a complete waste.


The vicar had asked me to make a few notes of those things I would like said about my mother, especially some of the early recollections. I thought it would be difficult, but it came easily once I started. The later part of her story he knows as he has been a part of it. Anyway, I think it will give him some food for thought.


I spent some time this afternoon giving some thought to a few little gifts I would like to give. A good bottle of Malt to the undertaker for making things so easy. One to a neighbour of my Mum, who did little jobs for her, change fuses, light bulbs etc. To the vicar a suitable donation to the Church and a decent bottle of Cognac for his enjoyment. To her next door neighbour, almost a daughter to Mum, a sizable gift. She won't want it I know, but she has a son who has just started collage and I know she could use a little financial help. It will make her Christmas a good one and it would give me so much pleasure.



I will of course make sure my daughter and her children have a good Christmas, but they will have to wait for the bulk of their inheritance until the house is finally sold. For ourselves, we want for nothing. Perhaps a food processor for me and another finger for Cag....... so she can ware another ring!



It was my birthday today. I was ......... sorry, the number keys aren't working!

Tuesday........... day two.

More phone calls today. Two to the undertaker, two to the vicar, and incoming from the Officer to the Coroner, to inform me that it was a heart attack, and that her heart was in a very poor condition with signs of an advanced disease. At least I can get on with registering the death and getting the Will through Probate. Four or five more calls this afternoon to family, with details of the arrangements. Should have reversed the charges. This evening, emailing other family and friends.

The funeral is all sorted. Time, place and cremation arranged. The vicar is also arranging for tea and biscuits in the Hall afterwards, to give me time to thank everyone properly. Hope they have custard creams.

I'm still feeling a little tense, but life is getting easier. I feel more relaxed in myself, less on the edge even with the arrangements to make. It was never the physical caring that caused me problems. It was the responsibility for two people that troubled me the most. That's definitely a lot easier.

And the home is so much bigger. I've rearranged the furniture back to how it was, and it's given us so much more room, there's even space to hide. The collection service for the loan equipment my mother had is coming tomorrow. I should be able to return the bedroom she used to some semblance of order. We've promised ourselves new carpets throughout the home, but that will have to wait a while. Our dog like the ones we have.

Monday........ day one.

It's the first day that I have been able to do anything, to get some of the problems sorted. The main one, the funeral arrangements are well on the way. We need a date for the body to be released from the hospital, then it can be taken to Torquay. The service at my mother's church has to be arranged. It 's the vicar's day off today, so that should be finalised tomorrow. Detail have to be worked out but I have that planned, a similar service to my father's two years ago.

I've contacted her bank, the pension service and her private pension supplier. Nothing can be done there until I can forward a death certificate. Both pension suppliers stop the pension as of the date of death, but that's fine, as any over payment would have to be returned in any case.

I've taken all her unused medication back to the chemist for them to dispose of, and the black bags, some to the dump and the new or nearly new to the charity shop. The jewelry's been checked over, it didn't take long. My mother was not a jewelry person. Four rings, a gold cross, a locket, a gate bracelet, plus a couple of small chains, some broken pieces, and that's it. The was a load of 'distance jewelry', looks good till you get close, so the best of this can go to the charity shop next time I'm passing.

I phoned our daughter tonight, to keep her up to date on things. I explained the Will and told her what I intended to do about it. Everything has been left to me, for me to dispose of as agreed with my parents, but I've given her the decision about what should happen to her children's share and when they should receive it. I thought that best.

The real winners in all this will be the Equity company that supplied my parents private pension. They will receive 85% of the sale of the house, less what they have paid to my parents over the years. A tidy sum. Be warned against Equity agreements............ unless you plan to live until you are 130!

And now we've heard that Cag's mother was admitted to Taunton hospital today with an irregular heart beat. The dark side of me wonders if I can get a quantity discount on funerals.

So roll on tomorrow..............

Sunday......

I awoke at about 4.30am, my pillow a bag of bricks. Watched the clock, my head full of thoughts. Saw 5.30 and 6.30, must have dropped off and in minutes the alarm went off at 6.55am. Don't you just hate nights like that!

We set off about 11.30 to visit Cags sister P, her husband D, and another younger sister K. An easy journey, plenty of traffic but it kept moving. I had been looking forward to talking with D as he was in a similar situation only a few years ago. He had also recently finished settling the estate of a cousin, acting with a solicitor as joint executor, and guided K through sorting her husbands affairs when he so suddenly passed away, so is well versed in the joys and pitfalls of the whole business.

There was a lot to take in but he's only a phone call away................ and works cheap.......ha, ha! I should be able to get the ball rolling tomorrow, at least doing some of the preparation work. I've been warned about the amount of letters I will have to write, and visits to make, so if my posts are a little small, please forgive.

We left a little later than usual. Nothing to rush home for now. We missed driving into the sunset, but there will be other sunsets. A good day, in good company, and good cake.......... mmmmmmm!

Saturday, the day after........

It's been a surreal sort of day. Everything to do, but can do nothing. I have managed to contact the relations I was unable to email yesterday, and I was definitely more difficult to speak with them, but they were more upset than I expected.

I spent the afternoon sorting in my mother's room. It didn't take long. A lifetime in six black bags. It was all she brought with her and all she wanted, but six black bags.........

It also gave me time to go over the happenings of yesterday. I ask myself many questions, reviewed my actions and wondered......... if. The more I thought about what happened, the more I was sure it was what my mother would have wanted. True, there were a few minutes of distress, but after months of agony? I'd read, only this week, that everyone dies alone, but that was not the case in this instance.

And now the thoughts on what to do. Most of her friends and family, those who are left, are in the Torbay area, so it would seem to be right to have a commemoration there, rather than here, where there would be a very small attendance. I have to contact the family undertaker on Monday and will take advice as to what he can offer. Hopefully a service at her church in Torquay, I'm sure the vicar would go along with that, cremation, and her ashes scattered where my father's were scattered. She would have liked that, providing it didn't cause too much trouble.

Cags reactions have surprised me today. She's been a little more awkward, a trifle more demanding, and more vocal in her complaints. Feelings of being left out? I wonder. I have had to be firmer when dealing with her. I was hoping for an easier day but.......

An early night is beckoning. I shall be up early tomorrow as we are planning to visit her sister and brother-in-law in Devon. Good for me too, as I will be able to bounce ideas and questions off people with knowledge, a rare occurrence for me of late.

Friday 23rd...........

My mother died this afternoon.

.

She was still unwell this morning, so I call for a doctor to visit to check her over. The doctor came about 1pm, gave her a thorough check, and thought she had a mild infection, for which she prescribed antibiotics. I picked up the tablets this afternoon and gave her a tablet when I returned home about 3pm. About ten minutes later she was breathing erratically and very distressed. I went into her, held her hand and she stopped breathing. I called 999 and paramedics were here within ten minutes. They tried the full range of C.P.R, but to no avail.

.

The rest of the afternoon was spent watching forms being completed, by the paramedics (so much paperwork!), the the doctor, and finally a police officer who was representing the coroner.

.

I removed her rings, said my goodbyes and she was finally taken from the house at about 7pm............. a long afternoon. The rest of the evening, after a few bites to eat, has been spent contacting family and her few friends.

.

I'm not sad. My heart was tugged at a couple of times this evening, but I was thankful to be there and to know it was quick. In reality, I would have hated to have her resuscitated, only to have suffered more, and the same thing happen again in a few weeks time.

.

I did phone her friend, the vicar, tonight. It was his birthday and he was having tea with some friends. He was shocked. " Well I'll be dammed......", were his words. Strange coming from a vicar!

Thursday 22nd.....and...

And if yesterday was easy, then today turned out to be the most difficult for a long time.
.

My mother was not feeling well when I awoke her this morning. It was rather the same on Tuesday last. She was very slow, not really switched on, and her walking was painful. She brightened up during the day and I thought it would be o.k to take Cag out for an hour or so. We left just after 2pm and went to M&S in Truro to raid their food section.

.

We arrived home at about 3.30pm and when I went to see how things were I saw my mother sitting in her chair with a rug around her shoulders and another around her knees. She was shivering and moaning. I quickly checked the thermometer and it read 75f, boosted the heating, got Cag in from the car and made a hot drink for my mother.

.

She was in a state, moaning with cold and shaking...... but it was not cold. She's eaten very little today, been making the most awful noise all night, and asked to go to bed at about 8pm. I've helped her to the toilet twice during the evening and each time she's tried to dress afterwards. I think, hope, now she is settled for the night but time will tell.

.

One piece of great news. My ticket has been drawn on a Spanish Lottery that I haven't entered. All I have to do is to forward all my personal details and my bank details and they will send me my winnings. How lucky is that? My name is cupid..... not stupid!

Wednesday 21st......

As expected, an easy day. The nurse arrived a few minutes after 9am to see my mother. She was only just out of bed but between us we managed to change her dressings and left her to dress in her own time.

I had the afternoon for myself, so I decided to have a look around one of the big D.I.Y stores on the outskirts of town. It's cheap and has got even cheaper since my last visit, in quality as well as price. I didn't spend a lot of time there and won't return any time soon.

I'm thinking of updating our television after Christmas, and the afternoon would have been better spent making enquiries as to what set up I will need. One with a Freeview tuner or separate box? New DVD recorder, or a HD model? It's something I used to be very 'up' on, but lately modern technology has left me behind. What ever we buy will be out of date by the time we get it home.

Tuesday 20th........

Another early start, and today I needed it. My mother was not on form, and everything took an age. I needed to have both my ladies breakfasted by eleven. The chiropodist was coming to take care of my mother's feet at 11.15am........... and I only just made it. My mother bucked herself up later and had quite a sensible day.

.

Boy, did it rain today........... and I had to go shopping this afternoon. The driveway was a quagmire where the new wall is being built, and the main road was flooded in several places making driving .......... interesting! When I arrived home I found that I was not the only one who was wet. Cag had catheter problems, so I put on my plumbing hat and flushed the system. It seems to have worked, touch wood. I do feel sorry when that happens, especially when you can't find a reason. It's no fun being catheterised and the reason for it is to keep you dry, but no system is perfect it seems.

.

I picked up my mother's new glasses from the opticians. They should really be fitted, but the chances of her being able to get there are practically nil at the moment. She's having enough trouble making the bathroom, let alone walking to the car for the trip out.

.

Easy day tomorrow, with nothing to do................... yet!

Monday 19th..........

An early start, but for others it was even earlier. I passed my mother's room at 6.05am and she was sitting on the bed, dressed and cold. All I could do was to help her under the covers to get warm and then I went back to be until 7.30am.



My early start was for an appointment at the Doctors to give a blood sample. The results were needed to make a more informed decision about the gallbladder problem I have. It seems that Paul, a slightly gay male nurse, was taking blood for multiple tests. I ask if it could include cholesterol, so he ticked the box. The way he put his gloves on you would think he was lining up for an internal, but I missed the joy of that. And I'm glad he didn't say " .....you'll feel a small prick!"



Because of the morning visit to the surgery, I had to leave going to the village Post Office until the afternoon. It gave me the excuse to drive up the hill to Five Turnings, the highest point in our area. It was beautiful. Clear, quiet, without a breath of wind, one of those days where you could see for miles........

.

And a shadow of me watching the world go by.......

.

A very leaky evening. Thank God for a Vax Rapied XL.

.

I saw on the news tonight that a local couple got married after only four weeks of courting. He was 92, and she was 84. It will never last!

Sunday 18th.......

The gale had blown it's self out by daybreak, but left a great deal of debris on the driveway. I didn't hear the rain, but others with better hearing told me that it kept them awake.



I think I'm turning into my father. This cold has left me with a tickely cough and when I clear my throat, I sound just like my father used to! Two double coughs!!



I went shopping at the Super Market this afternoon, not for anything particular, but just to be amongst other people that didn't need my attention. Spent some time browsing magazines but didn't buy. They would only get put to one side when at home. I wouldn't have time to read them.

I spent the rest of the afternoon completing a tax claim for my mother. I should mean a return of about £70, not a lot, but better in her purse(wallet) than in our Chancellor's coffers.



My mother's knees have been very bad today. I need to take her to the opticians this week to collect her glasses, but what with the promised weather and her mobility problem, fixing a day could be difficult.

Saturday 17th.........

Neighbours were all out when I delivered their papers this morning, so I've missed out on all the local gossip today. Not a lot of 'who's sleeping with who', as most are in or close to their 80's, and they sleep all the time anyway!



I did get Cag out to the Market this afternoon, for our usual bacon butty. The girl at the chuck wagon just says 'usual?' when she sees me. Am I being taken for granted again?



I bought a 7 inch and a small 31/2 inch Santoku kitchen knife from the Kitchen Ware stall, then put them to use on a leg of lamb and vegetable preparation when we arrived home. They are both excellent......... and no blood yet. I've just about exhausted all I can buy from there, but I shall still visit as often as I can, I love those kind of stalls.

My mother has been quite 'switched on' today. Nothing out of the ordinary at all. It's funny how she can be perfectly normal (whatever that means) for a couple of days and then talk nonsense the next day. Funny old world!

Friday 16th..........

I didn't sleep well, and awoke feeling I'd already done a mornings work. Must have been the dream. I can remember being in charge of large shop or store, and having to get away by a certain time, but every time I went to leave, something, someone or a problem stopped me. I can remember feeling terribly frustrated at not being able to do what I wanted or needed to do. A bit like my life at the moment.

Bank, chemist and then shopping this afternoon. Just a few bits and pieces for the weekend. Met a couple of neighbours there and had to listen to their tales of woe. I really needed that!

Our driveway is becoming a bit of a mess. It's being widened and a new stone wall is to be built. The start of the £11 million development of the site next to our little estate. The digger driver did manage to find the main water pipe that supplies the caravan park. He noticed it when the water shot about 4 metres into the air. Opps! I'm hoping there will be some top soil left over when they finish their work, as I could use a few barrows full.

.

I'm thinking about another trip to the market tomorrow afternoon. I could do with another one or two of the Japanese kitchen knives to go with the one I already have. I need to bleed some more!

Thursday 15th.............

I'm glad to get this day out of the way. Every thing went to plan, no surprises, and I allowed enough time so I didn't have to rush. So quite an easy day until I had to leave to go to the Clinic.

I arrived at 5pm, my appointment was at 5.05. I was called at 5.10 and was out by 5.20!

.

It was an Indian doctor, no feathers or a turban. Viewed the hernia, agreed it needed attention sooner rather than later, explained the operation, discussed the after care needed, shook hand and goodbye! Ten minutes.

It won't be done before Christmas, and he's left me to phone his secretary around the middle of January to arrange a time slot for about four to six weeks time. This means I will be done around the middle to the end of February. It will give me enough time to set up cover through Social Adult Care, or at least see what they can offer. A much needed breathing space.

The hernia is not a problem but it will get worse, and the cough I have at the moment, make me know of it's existence a dozen times a day................. or more.

.

Good news........... Managed to get my mother a tax rebate on year 2006/7. Will now try for several previous years when I get some figures from the Pension Service.

Wednesday 14th......

I couldn't believe it. Everything this morning went so smoothly that I knew it couldn't last........ but it did.

I was working all morning towards my visit to the doctors at 2.30. I arrived about 5 minutes early, and was called in on time. The doc reviewed my scan results with me. The two polyps that were on the gallbladder five years ago were still there, but had not increased in size. The stone was small and did not need attention as yet. He has arranged for a further blood test, to check liver and kidney function, then another consultation to see if we need to proceed with any treatment. Sounds good to me!

He did take my blood pressure, 130 over 80. He was pleased with that, and so was I, all things considered. Now all I have to do is to get through tomorrows visit to the Clinic, and the assessment for my hernia problem. I can't wait!!!!!!!!!!!

Called in at Lidl's on the way home and bought some venison steaks for the weekend. Will spend the next few days scouring recipes no doubt!

Tuesday the 13th........

Thirteen, unlucky for some............ and I should have known all would not run smoothly.



6.35am, I'm out of bed. Not through choice, but cramp. I can hear movement. I look in on my mother and she is dressed, sitting in the chair. I knew I was a mistake to say I would be calling her a little earlier, so we had some spare time before the hairdresser arrived. I cover her with a blanket and go back to bed for an hour.



I got Cag up for coffee at 8am, and made my mother a cup of tea. She promptly poured it over herself. It was hot, but there was no sympathy from me. The hairdresser arrived at eleven and I had just managed to get both my ladies ready. She has a beautiful body.



Everything seemed to take twice as long as it should. The more I tried to hurry, the further behind I became. My mother wasn't helping, or rather her legs weren't. I've never heard her knees crack so much, or seen her in so much pain trying to walk............. and there's nothing to be done.



An hour for me this afternoon, shopping. I didn't have a lot to get, so spent some time walking the aisles I wouldn't usually visit. Dangerous in a Supermarket, but I wasn't tempted.



It's just gone 11pm now and I've finished. Hopefully.

Monday.........

Start of another week, a busy one for me at least. Hairdresser, nurse, doctor, clinic, optician, throw in a couple of afternoons of shopping......... roll on the weekend. I know I must stop wishing my life away, but I will be glad to see the end of this week.

My mother's mobility is a growing problem. Some days are better than others but she's had a difficult time recently. I was going to try to get her to the opticians today, but will have to leave it until Friday. It would have been too much for her today. I'm not sorry as I could do with a little 'me time'.

Her mind seems to have settled down although she says she feels she ought to be doing something. It's all she can do to get from bedroom to lounge to bathroom and back. She's been talking to herself while she's asleep, nothing coherent, just odd words and mumbles. She never says anything while she's awake.

Cold is still hanging on. Looks like I'll have to give it away.

Sunday, a day of rest....

A bad nights sleep. Coughing kept me awake, but thankfully is no worse than yesterday. Would have loved to have been outside today, finishing the boxes I am making, but the wind was too cold and I thought it wise to keep warm.

My mother has had 'one of those days'. She asked me about my brother. Was he the one that was here yesterday? No, I insisted, there's only me, but she was having difficulty believing me.

She still can't believe she's been with us for nearly eleven months. She seems to have lost all sense of time. She can't remember she came to us for Christmas, and never went back.

We did have one laugh. It was when I helped her put her shoes on this morning. I put them on the wrong feet (easily done because they are large with hardy any shape to them). She didn't realise it until she looked down when she was walking. Her feet were turning outwards and she was walking like a duck.

I brought her a cup of tea about 9.30 pm, with the tablet she has to take at night. She said I had made a mistake, as she should take three tablets. I pointed out to her that she took the three tablets in the morning. Isn't it morning she asked?

She seemed troubled tonight when I helped her into bed. It makes me wonder what the future will bring, but better the problem here than 75 miles away.

Saturday..........

It was supposed to be a day for cleaning and tidying, but to be honest, I just couldn't be bothered. I had to visit the chemist to change some dressing they had supplied in error, and to get some help with the chesty cough that's developed. I took Cag with me and then we went on to the market at Par. A couple of odds for the kitchen and a boarder spade for the new beds.



Helped Cag eat the inevitable bacon roll while we were there, and saved a corner for a drooling dog. It always amazes me what people wear to such a place, everything from overalls to evening dresses........ I kid you not! The Carol's have made an audio appearance through the tinny sound system, but they've done nothing to add seasonal cheer to the market visitors.



Phoned my daughter when we returned home, to thank her for Cag's card and to get her new post code; she's just moved. Told her my tales of woe, and she was quite sympathetic, didn't laugh once. She now has a phone line so it looks like she will be on line again any time soon. Better watch my step!

Wednesday, Thursday, and now Friday......

Wow! Off line for two whole days. Not like me at all.



Wednesday. We made the trip to Truro. Birthday Girl wanted to try some Coco Mademoiselle that she saw advertised. There was a small store next door to Marks and Spencer that sold Chanel which was ideal. The perfume was far too sweet, even after it had worn in........ but we tried.



We called into M&S's food hall and to my regret bought Duck in Orange sauce for our evening meal. It seemed a good idea at the time . Whether it was that, or a bug I had picked up from elsewhere, I managed later to spend an hour with my head in the sink, too afraid to move. I can't ever remember feeling or being so ill. I did finally fell safe enough to crawl into bed at about 3.30am.



Thursday. Quite a bit of catching up to and feeling very frail. My throat was so sore, and a croaky voice to go with it. Managed a little shopping in the afternoon. Even refused a sample of cheese at the deli counter. I did manage a little to eat later, just a few vegetables, keep it simple. It's given me chance to cut back on my alcohol consumption, so will try to keep it up............. or rather, down.



At 7.20pm the lights went out! There was a fire in the transformer that supplies the whole Park Site and the mains had to be shut down before the fire brigade could do their work. So it was a night with candles and the joys of Radio 4. At least it solved the problems of what to watch on the television, as the choice was rubbish or rubbish!



We were finally reconnected at about 4.30am, and I awoke to the whole house ablaze with light. Lights that were off, I had switched on by mistake, and the timers on others that should have been off were, of course, on. To crown it all, my bedside clock was flashing, so I reset it to the one on Cag's side of the bed, not realising that some how it had gained about an hour. Yep! I got up an hour earlier than I needed to this morning. First job...... replace backup battery.



Friday, and I've had an easy day........ at last. Still have the sore throat and have developed a little cough to go with it, but am feeling a lot better in myself. Wonder what it was all about? Other's had eaten the same food, but they were fine. Just lucky I guess.

My mother has been in a lot of pain today. Her knees are cracking, even while just sitting, and there's nothing to be done until the spasms pass. Oh, the joys of arthritis. What will tomorrow bring?

Tuesday, the 5th plus one...

The 5th plus one............ must be the 6th. Just an ordinary day........ at last. The usual morning, then breakfast. The usual afternoon, shopping then making the evening meal.

I did manage to grab some time for me this afternoon. I worked outside on the raised beds I'm building. Two down with one to go. I don't really mind if nothing grows, at least the garden with be looking neat.

It's Cag's birthday tomorrow. She'll be a year older than me........ for three whole weeks! Three weeks a toyboy, married to an older women.

Thought for the day: There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no idea of what to do with them. Makes you think, uh?

Monday the 5th..........

The fireworks started on Friday, more on Saturday, and still more on Sunday night. At least those that were let off tonight were on the right day................... but what an utter waste of money.

I spent most of the day preparing and waiting for my appointment at the hospital for a scan. I got there early and went straight in. The end result is that the two polyps that were in the gall bladder five years ago are still there, and there's also a small stone to go with them. I now have to wait until next week to talk it over with the doctor to see which is the best way forward.
More waiting.

Sunday..............

Oh for a day without pee.

Now that's an opening statement. Moan time at the light house, I'm afraid. Two very leaky women and a fed up carer.

Cag's had catheter problems for the last couple of days, which is getting to be annoying for both of us. I've tried everything to solve the problem including daily flushing, but nothing seems to be working. I think it will have to be a phone call to the Community Nurses unless it settles down in the next 24 hours.

My mother can't quite understand why I keep reminding her about going to the toilet. You'd think it wouldn't be necessary to remind someone after five hours. They would, or should, know. She's well padded, but a pad can only hold so much. And I do get a little fed up with having to clear up after people when there is no need. That's life...........I suppose.

I didn't manage to get back to the Market today. It was just a hope. I did manage to finish the first of the raised beds for next years vegetables. More difficult than I thought, because the original woodwork I was adapting was built to follow the ground, and was not level. Still, one down, two to go.

Scan at the local hospital tomorrow. I'm looking forward to that................. I don't think!

Friday 'n Saturday.....

I missed out last night (hope nobody else did!). I had an email through GenesReunited asking me about the family of a gt. gt. grandmother, and by the time I'd got all the information together, it was nearly 1 am. So blogging took a back seat for a change.

I did take a trip into town yesterday afternoon, to pick up a couple of items for my mother and to get a birthday present for Cag. She easy to buy for, as long as it's Chanel's CoCo. Our only stockist in town is Boots and they were offering 10 points in the £, so I bought her a Christmas present at the same time. I saved a fortune. Always an eye for a bargain!

I also bought a present for myself, a cholesterol testing kit. Looks like fun........ and hoping I'm less than 5.6, the last time I was tested.

Saturday.........

The start of another weekend. Freebird reminded me that nobody bloggs at weekends....... except us chickens! I had to go Market shopping this afternoon, so I took Cag with me to give her a change of scene (and to show her handbag daylight!). I wanted a border fork for the new growing beds I'm building, also a spring rake to clear the Autumn leaves and the moss that's made it's home in the grass.

I was also tempted into buying from my favourite kitchen stall, a potato masher, a 6 inch Santoku knife, and a diamond sharpening steel (I hate dull knives). And the knife works! I managed to 'blood' it while slicing onions, when preparing our evening meal tonight. My piano playing days are over!

I made the mistake of parking near one of the chuck wagons. The smell of onions was too much for Cag to bare. We shared a bacon butty, heavy on the onions, before making our way home.

Think I may have to make another Market visit tomorrow. A few other tools I could use........ but we shall see.

Tharsday.........

Move scavenging this evening. I couldn't resist it. It will be handy if we get a lot of rain this winter. I could build an Ark!

The afternoon was spent shopping, veg and salad items for the weekend. Did a chicken korma for our evening meal and Cag ventured a few mouth fulls. She's become very fussy as to what she will eat, so I'm glad to find something else that she will try. I think it's all to do with the fact that she uses very little energy during the day so doesn't need the amount of fuel a normal person would need. As long as she eats something.

No problems with my mothers appetite. Another clean plate. Just wish her mobility was a little better. It would be easier to get her out, then give her more to see and think about.

No time to read other Blogs tonight, it's Iam.

Nice sunset tonight.

Whens day

The nurse called early today to check my mother's dressings and to administer her flu injection. Cag has refused to have one, but that's her choice. Hope she doesn't regret it.



We did manage the trip to Truro, and a wander around Marks & Spencers. It was as I thought, nothing much had changed. The city was full of kids, must be half term, many in fancy dress for Halloween. Where did all that silliness come from?



We ended up making some selections from their food range, mostly vegetable dishes, to have for a change. I get quite bored have to cook the same veg every night. Both of my charges are pretty set in their ways as to what they like and don't like, so any change would be welcome.



I went scavenging tonight. The caravan site adjacent to out Park is being dismantled and an £11 million development is due to start any time soon. Nearly all the caravans that are being removed have verandas or fencing, and this is just being torn down then left in piles. I called in at their site office and asked if I could have some of the wood, and I was told to take what I wanted as it was all going to be burnt. So I did just that.



I now have enough wood to build three 8ftx4ft raised beds for growing vegetables next year. A little sawing, a bit of drilling................ and some screwing (if I can remember how!) and we're all set for Spring planting. Can't wait!

Shoesday

The weather's changed for the better today. Cold but sunny. The best time of the year with the sun bringing added colour to the golds and browns of the Autumn leaves.

I'm still not over my aches and pains. It's taking longer to clear this time, so must be an age thing.

It was a shopping day. I didn't have much to get, but easily spent £50. It was hard to see where it went. Didn't tell Cag. She would have thought I'd been mugged!

She wants to go to Truro tomorrow, just to look around M&S. I doubt there will be anything different from the last time we were there. I expect I will be tempted with something from the food hall. Their prepared food is very good, if a little expensive, but who cares.

Munday.

Recovering from yesterday. It's surprising how much it takes out of me. What I would do without thinking a few years ago, now takes longer and often there is a price to pay.



Just one job today. To take my mother for an eye test this afternoon. She had new glasses about ten months ago but has not been really happy with them. The test was very thorough, and it confirmed what I thought. The sight in her left eye is practically nonexistent, after a hemorrhage a few years ago, and the right eye is being hindered by a small cataract.



The cataract could be operated on, but if the operation was unsuccessful, then her sight would be almost completely lost. Some choice! It's been suggested that she should wait a while, which I consider is good advice. So new glasses have been ordered, which hopefully will make it easier to view the television. I doubt whether they will stop her falling asleep, not much chance of that!



Time we left the opticians it was getting dark. I'd missed another interesting sunset.......... perhaps tomorrow.......... hopefully.

Sonday......

Sunday and an early start. The extra hour gained from British Summer Time to G.M.T came in very useful. Five hours into the day and we were on the road at noon but the weather was awful. An accident near Dean Pryor slowed the journey , so we arrived at Cag's sisters at two o'clock.



Another of Cag's sisters came over from Brixham, so we had good company, good conversation............ and trifle.



By the time we had to leave the weather had cleared, and we chased a golden sunset all the way to Plymouth. It was dark by the time we arrived home. Cag to change, dinner to make, washing up to finish, walk the dog, and I finally sat down at about 9.30pm........... a long day.

Sat....er.....day

I'm tired tonoight. Changing all those clocks to G.M.T....... but why we do it is beyond me. Something to do with a bright spark who had the idea in 1907. What a tosser! Cows can come in for milking in the light, but kids have to walk home from school in the dark.


Think I've got everything ready for an early start tomorrow. I found my mother fully dressed, but sound asleep in bed when I got up this morning at 7.50am. I expect she will make up for it tomorrow, and will need an explosion to move her.


I grabbed an hour off this afternoon and went to the local Market. One of those places where you can buy a double bed or a watch strap. 150 stalls, all under cover, and you'll find every oddball that's ever drawn breath........ if your not careful. My purchases were two wooden spatulas, two catering rolls of cling film and a stainless steel baking tray. I found a kitchen gadget stall, with a great range of Japanese knives and could have quite happily spent a small fortune there. Perhaps next week. I'll make a list.

I know others have asked before, but what happens to Bloggers at the weekend? Do they turn into pumpkins ( seasonal joke!).

Fr'eye'day.....

I had nothing to do today. Nothing planned, so I thought I would pick up a prescription from the chemist, to save a little time tomorrow. I spent the best part of an hour and a half going from chemist, to surgery, and back to chemist again, getting the prescription for my mother's dressings sorted out.

It's not rocket science. I write the request, stating the exact name of the dressing, even quoting the reference number, so how can the surgery get it wrong? But they do. And when I question it, I'm made to feel that it is my fault.

Almost panicked when I found out the clocks alter this weekend. I shall have to get up an hour earlier on Sunday for our trip to Devon, and thought that it would have to be two hours earlier because of Summer time/ G.M.T. Silly boy! Got it all wrong, and will be able to arise at my normal time, body clock wise.

Furseday

Another easy day, well not quite. I did have to go shopping this afternoon, rather than tomorrow as I had planned. I was told we were going to Devon on Sunday, to visit Cag's sister. I really could have done with another few days to get over this back problem, but I expect I will survive.

It looks like the original sale of my mother's house in Torquay has fallen through. I contacted the Equity Company today, because I had not heard from them in a while, and they said that they had accepted a lower offer. It was because of the difficulties in the housing market at this time. It won't mean a lot of difference to the amount my mother will receive, but has slowed the whole process. Hopefully it won't be too much longer before I can get everything sorted.

An article I was reading about a carer who had just lost their partner brought back to mind a conversation I had with my brother-in-law, a few weeks ago. He had asked me what I would do if anything happened to Cag. I must admit, it's something I had thought about (that's me), so I replied that I would probably sleep for a week.

My own plans are that I would travel. I know nothing about boating in any shape or form, but I would love to motor through the canals in France, heading south to the Med, sampling food and wine en route. Any offers?

Weddlesday

I decided it was going to be a 'me' day. I did the bare minimum all day. The nurse came early to see my mother, so I managed to get all my chores finished by 1 o'c .......... the rest of the afternoon was mine.

Spent quite a lot of the time, sitting outside, looking up, just watching the big silver birds chasing each other across the blue of the sky. No vapour trails today.......... I wonder why?

My easy day did nothing for my back problem. If anything, it felt worse for doing nothing. Can that be so?

A package from Amazon. Band of Brothers on DVD, Dirty Dancing's 20th anniversary DVD and a book on Vegetable Growing........ I really know how to boogy!

Published some photos on Lighthouse tonight. Me in tails, my dancing days. I always said I would go back to it one day. Not the seven nights a week I did then, but just for the exercise and the dreams. Perhaps one day.

Tuesday 23rd.....

Had to redress my mother's bottom during the night. She has some new lite dressings that I'm sure will do a better job, but they are not a robust as the old ones, and so need more attention.

My back has been better today, but I'm still not pushing things. Took it easy for most of the day. This afternoon , I'd arranged for the central heating to be serviced , so didn't think I would be able to shop today, but the engineer arrived early, and I was able to get out at 4.00 o'c.

Rest of the day has been a breeze. What can go wrong now?

Had my 'point 'n shoot' with me when I walked the dog tonight. Saw a plane coming out of the sun and heading home. Often wonder what it would be like...... up there....... coming or going.

.

Moonday...

Heard that it was the best sunrise of the year today. Although I was up, I didn't see it, too cloudy.

The early start was because of visitors, and the fact that I knew I would be slow at getting my tasks completed. I'd slept well, but the back problem was still there, with a vengeance, at times.

I'd managed to finish Cags before I had to collect her sister from town, and left them to gossip while I washed and dressed my mother's legs. Breakfast out of the way and the clock said 1.15pm!

The afternoon was spent in good company, with good conversation. It was wet however. A faulty legbag, a change of clothes for Cag. A coughing fit, a change of clothes for Cag. My mother added to the problems by leaving too long before going to the bathroom. Luckily our guests had just left so no embarrassment was caused...... just annoyance. Extra lifting and clearing up that I didn't need.

My back has been easier tonight, so I'm hoping the corner has been turned. Shan't be long before I turn in. It's been a looooong day.

Ssssunday..........

Can't believe it. We watched Dirty Dancing AGAIN. Video on Thursday last, and Channel 5 tonight. "Nobody puts Baby in the corner!"

Finished the cleaning up today, ready for the visit from Cag's sister. There's been a change of plans, as the railway line between Par and Truro is closed for repairs, so they are coming by car. I'll still have to collect her from town, as she wants to have a look around before she comes to us. I've told her it should only take about three minutes, as the town is a building site.

It me that's had problems today. A trapped nerve in my back has made me stop and think before I've made any movement. I haven't had a lot of trouble lifting, it's when I turn the pain kicks in, and does it kick in! It's a problem I've had before. It's a case of tablet and rest. Rest? Yeh, right!

Satonday?

Saturday is clean up day, house work, Seeker's favourite. Kitchen floor to wash, carpets to hoover with a Hoover and dusting, then windows to clean....ugh!. It would have been done anyway, but I have the added incentive of Cag's sister coming down for the day on Monday.



Her husband has some business in Truro, so she is coming down with him on the train, I'm picking her up from our station and the dropping her back when he makes the return journey later in the afternoon. I only hope the train he's on stops, other wise I will have to set her running as the train goes through, and hope she can gain enough speed for him to catch her and lift her onto the train.



Everything went rather smoothly today. Can it last? I do hope so, at least for 48 hours.

Friday catch up.......

It's been one of those days where there was never quite enough time. Half a dozen telephone calls fixing up central heating service and chasing prescriptions. Then an extra trip to the chemist to collect a prescription, finally got it right after a week of waiting and re-ordering. Call from a neighbour the help him sort out a printing problem on his P.C and ended up printing the pics myself just to save time .............. and no spare time for me.



My mother had a couple of 'senior moments' today. She thought she had left an egg on to boil. This was 1.30am, so another dream and thinking it was reality. The other was during the afternoon. I was just about to start preparing the dinner when I noticed she was upset. I asked what was wrong and she said she was worried because she was letting the other players at the whist drive down for not being there.



She hasn't been to a whist drive for forty years, but insisted that she had played only a few weeks ago. It took a while but I managed to convince her that it couldn't have happened. She seems to have lost all sense of time, often thinking she has been with us for only a few weeks rather than 10 months or more.



I expect things will get even more 'interesting' as the weeks go on.



But what a beautiful day, and a golden sunset.

Thursday or thirsty.....

Something forced me into consciousness at about 2.30am. I could hear my mother moving around. I went into see what the problem was. She was covered in blood. The dressings on her bottom had rolled back and she had been scratching.

It took only minutes to clean up the area and apply new dressings, but it was another night call that I could have done without. The nurse had redressed the area in the afternoon, but their dressings don't seem to hold in place as long as the ones that I put on.

I did manage to get Cag out shopping this afternoon. Marks and Sparks must have noticed the increase in their trading figuers for today. A pair of leather gloves each, and a vegetable bake from their food hall for diner tonight. Very good it was too!

Ended the day by watching Dirty Dancing again. I love that film. Thinking now who I could dirty dace with?

Wed nes day....

6.55am and my mother is dressed. I've got the feeling that it could be 'one of those days'. I help her with her shoes, get her into the lounge, settled in her chair........ and go back to bed for a half hour.

One or two little mind games during the morning. She asks me to get her a new string for her violin and reminds me about the cakes in the oven. All news to me. No violin, no cakes. The rest of the day falls into place, except that the nurse doesn't arrive until the afternoon to check my mother's dressings. At least she sorts out the confusion between surgery and chemist as to which dressings they need to supply.............. I hope.

5.00pm and my mother's in tears. She can't walk to the toilet. Her left knee is the size of a football (soccer ball), so much pain. I strip down Cag's wheelchair, sit her on it and wheel her to the toilet. She manages to walk back with help. Another problem solved.

I've heard from the Clinic today about the hernia operation. I have to go for an assessment on the 15th of next month. I phoned them to see if my initial contact had been noted and they said they had posted a confirmation with the date on the 4th. Couldn't understand why I hadn't received it! Anyway, all sorted.

Two's day.....

Rain, as promised, and more rain, but that should be that for the rest of the week.

Yesterday was far too easy, and I paid for it this morning. My mother had a 'turn'. Tightness across the chest, dryness in the mouth, felling very unwell. It took about an hour for her to come around. I suspect it is caused be low blood pressure, so will get it checked out be the Community Nurse that calls tomorrow.

Her knees have been very painful today. She said she wished she had never come down with us as she's so much bother, but she could have never managed on her own. I assured her that we would deal with things as they happened, and would have a laugh along the way.

I was undressing Cag tonight, getting her into bed, and I started humming 'The Stripper'. The re-action I got was "Don't, NO, NO, NO,NO, you're pissing me off!"

What language! How could such a gentile woman use such words? The real language came when I started singing 'My Way'. You don't want to know what she said. Believe me.

Moanday...........

Monday and no moans. It's been one of the easiest days I've had in weeks. Nothing very much to do other than a little shopping, fresh bread etc. I was tempted by a chocolate roulade, not for me, for the two ladies. Cag had hers straight and my mother dressed it with a little ice cream. And plenty left for tommorow.



Went shopping for underware, for me while I was there. All the sizes have altered. I used to be 'large grob' and now I'm 'medium mittel'. Confusing? You betcha! And before you ask what a 'grob' is, the sizes are in English and German.

Not looking forward to tomorrow. The weather forecast looks terrible. I've the weekly shop to do, another excuse to be out of the house, but in truth, I love shopping. Must be my feminine side coming out.

Sunday, a day of rest?

A Beerfest, being held over two days, on the holiday estate next to our little residential site. When it was first announced, nearly everyone living on our estate was up in arms about it. I thought it would be better to find out more before making a decision. From the enquiries I made it all seemed in order and was going to be properly managed. Others thought the area would be full of drunken yobs, using their gardens as toilets.

All day live music, 50's & 60's theme, guest real ales at a special price,vintage vehicles, W.W.II hardware and reenactments, hog roast, stalls, and all the fun of the fair.

In truth it's been a bit of a wash out. It's drizzled most of the weekend. I doubt whether any more than about two hundred people have been in attendance at any one time. As to effecting us residents, I haven't heard any more racket than would normally come from the local Inn.

There was the noise of an odd thunder flash going off and the occasional burst of machine gun fire from the reenactment (a typical Sunday, ha, ha!), oh, and a rather poor firework show at about 8 o'c tonight, but apart from that, I wouldn't have known it was all happening. And our gardens are still pristine!

My mother stopped me in my tracks tonight. She ask me what had happened to her mother. She hadn't been in contact with her since she'd been here, not even sent a card, and it was bothering her to know where she was. She was a little confused to hear the she had died in 1974, in hospital, after a short illness.

I spent some time with her going over what I could remember of the facts, and added the details I could remember about the loss of her two brothers. She remembered them passing but not the hows and wherefores.

I then asked her a question that I'd asked about a month ago, how long did she think she had been with us? The answer was the same as she gave then, about two weeks! It's actually been over ten months! Time flies when you're enjoying yourself!!

How strange, and how fragile the human mind can be.

Sat er um day.

Phew! Sleepless nights bring out the zombie in me. I did what I thought I would do, looked in on my mother three times during the night. I was aided by the effects of drinking two cups of tea late at night, and cramp.

Twice I found her sitting on the edge of the bed, after using the toilet, but she hadn't been sitting there long, as the bed was still warm. Helped her lift her legs back into bed, settled her down and every thing was fine.

She has still been in pain today but is much improved over yesterday, thankfully. I managed to suggest she had an early night tonight, so she was in bed just after ten, hopefully for all night.

I've spent the afternoon trying to sort out the right dressing for my mother's pressure sores. Another cock-up at the doctors meant the wrong details were faxed to the chemist, hence no dressings, or rather the wrong dressings for the weekend. I can manage, but it's not brain surgery to get a prescription right, surly?

An early night tonight I think.

Fry day and nearly didn't make it!

12.20am Saturday morning and my Friday has just finished. Everything went smoothly today...... far too smoothly!

I did manage to get my mother out for an hour but she was struggling to get back into the house. By dinner time she was not very hungry so I guessed something was wrong. She eat a little but refused a chocolate and a cup of tea. Definitely something wrong.

She was in increasing pain from her knees, and by eight o'clock, unable to move. There was little I could do except watch her fight it, adding encouragement where I could. Come 10.30 I managed to get her into one of Cag's wheelchairs and get her into the bedroom. Over the next hour and a half, I toileted her, undressed her and finally managed to get her into bed.

I am not expecting a full nights sleep. Even if she sleeps through, I know I will have to check several times during the night, just for my own piece of mind.

Good night......... and wish me luck.

Thor's Day.

Up and running a little earlier than usual, trying to get the chores out of the way so we could get out at a reasonable time. It was another beautiful day (it can't last) and we managed to be on the road by about 1.30pm. Little traffic, which was a surprise.

Shopping was a disaster, or perhaps not! Cag didn't buy a thing. Nothing jumped out at her, so we spent about an hour just picking over things. What I did notice was the dowdy colours of most of the clothing. It's no wonder nothing tempted her. Anyway, it was an outing for her, so not a complete waste of time.

I could hear my credit card singing on the way home. It was so happy!

My mother had one of her turns tonight. She wanted to know where the young boy had gone. I often ask myself that one! She insisted there had been a young boy in the room, but who he was she did not know. I told her she had been dreaming again and this seemed to satisfy her, but I could still see she only half believed me.

I'll try and get her out for an hour or so tomorrow. A change of scene and fresh air may help to blow away cobwebs. Some of mine as well!!

Wednesday

Wednesday is an 'at home' day. I try not to go out but it's not always possible. I did manage it today, and seeing the weather was fine, the grass had my attention, hopefully the last cut of the year. Can't understand why it takes some people seven hours!

We had post today, despite the continuing threats of strike action from our postal heroes, I jest! Amongst it was 'the' brown envelope, an invitation to an ultra scan. Thankfully, it's at our local hospital and not at Trelisk, the main county hospital. 3.40pm on November the fifth, hopefully no fireworks for me at least.

The Community Nurse called to see my mother today and I mentioned Cag's golden rain problems. She agreed with me that most likely a spasm was the cause, and there's not much you can do about that.

Looks like I've started a trend. I've just finished building some small raised beds for vegetables next year. I was passing my neighbours today and I see they have dug over a large area of their back lawn to grow vegetables. I've emailed them a 'Dig for Victory' poster from WWII. Should bring a smile.

Cag has asked my to take her out tomorrow to an 'out of town' clothes shop. It will be another chance to take her handbag for an airing, but I bet the inside doesn't see the light of day!